BRAND NEW SUGABABES VIDEO AND SINGLE "wear my kiss" IS FUTURISTIC ROBOT FETISH SEXY COOL!!!!

so some gay director (literally) just made a Nazi Zombie horror film staring a guy from PRISON BREAK.......YES!!!!!!

Joel Shoemaker is a crazy mofo. He got his start in the film industry as a window dresser at Bloomingdales in New York. (Really!) Then somehow got to make THE LOST BOYS, an 80’s classic horror comedy that jump started the careers of Corey Feldman, Kiefer Sutherland, and Corey Haim. The film was hot, sexy and cool. Verhoven went on to make some really amazing pictures, like A TIME TO KILL and TIGERLAND with Colin Ferrell and PHONEBOOTH and the most recent musical THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA. There is a story that during the filming of PHANTOM, Mini Driver went up to him after a take and said “was that ok? I think I may have been a little over the top.” To which he responded with “well sweetie, people don’t pay for UNDER the top!” That sums him up perfectly. No matter what the films failings, if any, his pictures always look lavish and sumptuous and rich. After all, he also made BATMAN AND ROBIN and BATMAN FOREVER…..eek!

Enter BLOOD CREEK, a totally original hybrid of genres that come together to make one of the coolest horror films I’ve seen in a while. The films opens in sepia toned snap crackle pop 1930’s film stock, and true to form it takes place in the 1930’s. A German family is seen going about their farming duties on their barn in Wyoming; slaughtering the livestock, cleaning the house, and teaching their teenage daughter how to speak English with an American accent, so she’s not picked on at school. They have defected from the 3’d Reich, and want to start anew in America, setting up a very sympathetic group of people. Then they get a letter from Germany stating one of Hitler’s scientists needs to conduct experiments, and needs to do it in safety, outside of war torn Europe, and will pay the family handsomely if they allow this border to come live with them for a few months. Against the idea in principal. They are desperate for money, and are assured they will not have to participate or help this man in any way. The scientist, Dr. Worth shows up and starts asking about these rune stones, ancient rocks with Gaelic markings on them, brought over by the Vikings when they first landed on the American continent. It seems Hitler is obsessed with the occult, and these stone are said to hold magical powers, which this scientist is ordered to obtain and harness. Now, though the story above is fictional, all the details are in truth fact. The rune stones, Hitler doing extensive research into the occult, Germans defecting to America to start anew. See, I told you this was original!

The movie cuts to present day where a med student takes care of his ailing, abusive father, whose always going on and on about the “better son” who disappeared after a tour in Iraq, and “died like a hero.” Not long after this setup does the long lost brother (Dominic Purcell from PRISON BREAK) show up out of the blue one night, and taking his brother along for one hell of a ride. Apparently this war hero brother came home and on his way to a sweet family reunion was kidnapped by a family living in the sticks of Wyoming, and tortured. He escapes and enlists the aid of his brother to go exact revenge on this family from hell. Things take a “twilight zone-esque” twist when the family turns out to be the same from the beginning of the film, only they haven’t aged a day.

To go any further into the plot would spoil the fun. But just know that things get weird. I mean SUPER weird. For example, there is a possessed horse at one point that smashes through a window plucking out a poor guy and eats him. THE HORSE EATS HIM!!!!!! There are crazy exorcisms. There are decapitations by barbed wire. There are people killed, only to immediately reanimate as zombies and attack the very people they were fighting to protect moments earlier. OH and a full moon play an important part as well. Oh, and did I mention the monster chained in the basement? Yea, it’s weird, taking a page from the EVIL DEAD series of films, or even the most recent DRAG ME TO HELL. Anything goes, including the kitchen sink. The only thing missing is the jokey fun those other features had. There are no light hearted winks at the audience in this, it’s played straight.

I HIGHLEY recommend you see this movie, for the sheer audacity of it all. Think RUNNING SCARED only in horror film mode. Oh, and Verhovens panache and style are on full display, with every sequence being overlite, under cranked, or glossy. He goes berserk with the visual flourishes, but it only adds to the mad cap nature of this. Its one wild ride and a refreshingly original horror film.

And here is an OBNOXIOUS trailer that really doesn't do it any justice:

P.S. did they really mis-spell "magic" in there? WOW!!!!

KICK ASS just may be the coolest comic book film EVER!!!!

So there is the brand new poster for the action comedy from the director of LAYER CAKE, which was amazing by the way. If that doesn't do it for ya, then check out this clip:


HA-MAZING!!!!!! if your not sold on this after that clip (in spite of the fact that nicolas cage is for some reason wandering around on set while they filmed it apparently) then you don't have a pulse! here is the regular trailer that sells the film as a whole, but also doens't have any bad ass gunshots tot he face at point blank range like the above clip had:





KICK ASS comes out APRIL 16

SUGABABES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here is a song from 3 albums ago that recently went BACK into the top 20 charts in europe cause they recently did an acustic version of it at a funeral for one of the royals. here is the origional version:


And as i wait for the full version of WEAR MY KISS' video, here is the vid for their last number one hit "ABOUT A GIRL" featuring the hotty McHottness guy from the famous jett jackson and FLASHFORWARD!!!

The Not So Lovely Bones

Like the title character in the lovely bones, this film is lost. There are entire sequences that are so expertly handled and so well crafted you’re swept away in its storytelling. Unfortunately each and every moment is squandered with a really poor organazation of ideas and concepts. The plot is familiar by the trailer, or if you read the celebrated novel. Suzy Salmon is raped and killed, and stuck in the in-between while she watches her family back on earth fall apart, as well as her murderer slowly plan another attack.

There is a lot to work with here, but Peter Jackson has no idea what to focus on. Suzy’s afterlife is an often very scary place, which reflects her inner feelings of the turmoil she had to endure at the hands of a very scary pedophilethe. Her family life reflects this with the mom “not being able to cope” and abandoning the family. The father becomes a shell of a human, spending his days alone in total seclusion. However once Suzy starts to accept the fact that she’s dead, and she might want to move on to heaven, her family life picks up. The mom, inexplicably moves back home. The father learns how to love his wife again and not obsess over who the killer is. Everything gets all fine and dandy. So, is the moral of the story every time a family suffers a tragedy, if they don’t handle it well, it’s the fault of the deceased who just can’t let go? Or is it the other way around.

The film never gives a clear answer, which I suppose could be the point, but when it’s just so broad an interpretation there just doesn’t seem any reason for it. There is no closure in the ending, no revelations. She just decides of her own accord that “she’s ready.” That’s it. So why did we just follow you and your family for over a year, through ups and downs, all seemingly random events, for literally no meaning. This may be an elementary example, but it works: Remember in mighty morphing power rangers when the rangers would each individually get in elaborate fights with a monster, each one failing, only to at the very end say “let’s combine our forces and use out zords” and get the job done in no time flat? Well, same goes for here. There is no rhyme or reason for the events, as none are explored in any depth. So as a whole the film fails quite miserably, with little to no interest in a satisfying ending. It starts, keeps going, then suddenly and without reason stops. All the characters make decisions seemingly at will, with no motivation. I'm told the wife has an affair with the police investigator in the book, THEN leaves the family behind because she is not only unable to cope with her shilds death, but also unable to come to terms with her infedelity. Such character work is not found in the film however, with her departure and subsequent return given absolutly no reasoning.

That being said, Peter Jackson is a great storyteller, if not woefully misguided. There are sequences filled with such beauty or suspense, you’ll be transfixed for whole minutes at a time. A scene where the little sister sneaks into a neighbor’s house to find evidence of him being the killer is of Hitchcock caliber. I haven’t been on the edge of my seat like that in ages. Also, a scene where Suzy floats past all the crime scenes of all the people her murderer had killed. It’s scary, it’s sad, and it’s beautiful all at the same time. There are also some deep and interesting moral questions going on. In life Suzy was most looking forward to her first kiss. While in a dark, grey, garbage filled afterlife that reflects her inner struggle, She gives a moving and gut wrenching speech about how most people get married and have kids, all she wanted was a first kiss and “he took that away from me. No matter what happens, even if I go to heaven, I’ll never get that.” It’s sad and heartbreaking, and there isn’t an easy answer.

As I said before, the movie just kind of stops, with no rhyme or reason as to why she’s suddenly “ready to move on.” I’d say it’s worth a rental for sure, but if you want my expert opinion, go watch WHAT DREAMS MAY COME. It’s infinitely better and tackles much the same ground as this does. I’d be interested to read the book of which this is based, and see what came first, the book or the WHAT DREAMS MAY COME film script, because there are entire passages in both film that mirror each other totally. Even down to how the afterlife is represented. In the end Peter Jackson still comes out relativly unscathed as a filmmaker. His skill and craft are still on display in spades, however he needs to choose his projects more carefully. His previous film of a similar nature HEAVENLY CREATURES (Kate Winslet's first film by the way) was tender, sad, and at times downright scary. Two very unstable teenage girls become very dependent on one another, and when the parents seperate them, they take matters to the extreem. It was focused, sharp, and quick (even at well over 2 hours, every scene had a purpose and meaning). I for one would like to see Jackson return to even EARLIER roots and make a balls to the wall splatter gore-fest to end all gore-fests. He needs to stop fishing for awards and stick to what he loves, because his heart really isn't in the lovely bones.

HALLOWEEN 2: DIRECTORS CUT review/comparison

Halloween 2 has a lot more going on than you’d think. The first outing was a really fun, grim slasher with Rob Zombies signature “white trash hell-billy deluxe” outlook on everything. You either loved it, or you HATED it for throwing away all the classy suspense of the original in favor of straight up gore and filth. With the director’s cut of part 2, Zombie definitively ends his vision of the Halloween mythos. Also, not straddled with an origin story, tells a completely original story of life after trauma, and how people cope.

The film starts out literally the second after the first one ended. Laurie strode is walking down main street blood soaked and broken, having just shot Michael Myers in the head. Myers, thought dead, breaks out of the police van he’s being transported in and chases Laurie to the hospital to finish her off. Of course she escapes his clutches and he disappears into the night. Cut to two years later where the movie starts proper and Laurie is living with her besty Annie Bracket, a survivor of the first film, and her sheriff father.
Right off the bat things are different in the director’s cut. Not only is it 20 minutes longer, but dialogue has changed, and some scenes in the original have even been cut out. In the theatrical movie, it’s not clearly explained if the Meyers escape and hospital chase were a dream or not. Here it is specifically pointed out that it all really happened. Also of note is the general atmosphere. The director’s cut emphasizes the hostility between all the survivors, and revels in the fact that none of them are coping with the events of the last film very well.

Unlike last time, this is truly an ensemble pick. Annie, the best friend of Laurie and once "party animal" is now a doting motherly figure to not only to Laurie but also to her father, who is living with the lie that Laurie is really Michael Meyer’s sister. She cooks and cleans and is afraid to death of leaving the house. They even mention she hasn’t left it in two years. Laurie herself is suicidal, drug addicted, and angry, unlike last time when she acted as teh virginal brave one of the bunch. Now she has a wall sized poster of Charles Manson hanging over her bed!!!!! She keeps having nightmares of Michael, and this creepy woman in white stalking her. When she finds out her biological secret, she realizes maybe she is destined to become a murderer as the rest of her family had. Things get even weirder when she starts blacking out in broad daylight while she’s awake and having full blown conversations with her long lost mommy.

Dr. Loomis hasn’t dealt with the tragedy well either. He’s become a national sensation with a gaudy tell all book, and has no remorse when using the victims to his own gain. In one added scene at a book signing has him confronted with a very normal looking man, Until the man reveals himself to be the father of one of the dead girls from the first film and pulls a gun on him (a nice touch is the photo of the actual actress from the previous outing). Loomis is unfased, and uncaring of this poor mans grief. In a way, just like Laurie, He has lost his soul aswell.

Throughout all of this is a theme of a white horse signifying an unstoppable force, or fate. This aspect was briefly mentioned a few times in the theatrical cut, but now is expanded upon in lengthy therapy discussions between Laurie and her therapist (Margot Kidder, the original LOUIS LANE!!!!!!!).

All this leads to an ending that is much more…..final. I can see why the studio would want room left open for a sequel, and the theatrical ending isn't all that bad to begin with.However this new ending not only closes the book on this specific chapter, but is also a more logical ending. Also of note are all the little details thrown in. For example, in the first film there is a Montage of Michael trick or treating alone, while his mother strips all set to the classic rock song “love hurts.” Here, a main characters death, and ending of the film, has an “enya” style cover of that song playing, bookending the family dynamic perfectly. Also over the end credits are police crime photos of every one of Michaels victims, in order, from the first film, giving these last two entries a “stand alone” feel from the rest in the franchise.

* Also of note is the gore. I didn’t think it was possible, but there is quite a bit more added. Not even that, a main characters death is not only drawn out longer here, with her naked and blood covered body whimpering back to life for a final gut wrench apology to Laurie, but as the father screams over the victim, zombie plays home video footage spliced in, almost as subliminal glimpses, of the victim happy, playing with a puppy, and opening Christmas presents. This could quite possibly be the first time in slasher movie history where you actually CARE about the person duying.

In conclusion the Directors cut is not only gorier and harder, as expected, but it VASTLY improves upon not only the characters and their motivations, but the themes and over arching ideas that were started in the previous film. I highely recommend it if you can stomach it, and there is a reason why it was on my "top ten" list this year.

SPIDERMAN IS DEAD

So let me begin by saying that I never really cared for Spiderman at all. With me it's all about consistency. If your going to make a film based on a comic book, you need to decide from the beginning if your going to stay as faithful as humanly possible (300, sin city, dick Tracy) or if your going to take aesthetic liberties but stay true to the source material (X:Men, Iron Man, The Dark Knight). The Spiderman franchise never had a very good handle on this. Slapstick goofy comedy shared screen time with operatic soapy dramatics. Sometimes the action was hard hitting, and sometimes it looked like a Looney Tunes cartoon. Why update the spidey suit to look all cool, but keep the green goblin looking identical to his comic book form? The dichotomy was very off-putting. That being said, they were an all right group of films.

Until Part 3. That was hands down one of the worst things I’ve ever seen in my life. Why you may ask? Because it suffered from the same things batman and robin, batman forever, and fantastic four all suffered from. Too many cooks in the kitchen. The Studio always wants certain things that some test group told them would sell. They have to balance that with a director who has certain creative ideas and aspirations. Its art meets commerce. HOWEVER, when one outweighs the other, the shit hits the fan. Case in point? The X-Men franchise. Bryan Singer had a plan, and it was a long and intricate plan. He loved the comics, and wanted to bring a faithful, epic, layered story to the screen. He started with the first one, and then reached new heights with the second. At the time I honestly feel X-Men 2: X Men United was the best comic book film ever made at the time (obviously the dark knoght and sin city share that title now). Then what happened? Even though he had creative control, and was obviously doing a good job, the studio was spending soooo much money on it, they felt they had the right to some input (and shouldn't they have?). So Singer complained about the changes they wanted with the third installment, the studio said bend to our will or leave, and he left. Fuck you very much. Peace out bitches. So the studio hires a goon by the name of Brett Rattner to make the third one. Brett's not a bad guy, and a very competent director, but he's what they call a "director for hire." he has no vision. He has no creative drive. He does know how to agree with the studio suits and point the camera and say action and deliver whatever they want. Hence x men 3 was a marked step down in the franchise. Did they use any of the outlines or story ideas Bryan Singer had mapped out? No, screw that, we want MORE VILLANS!!!!!! so Cyclopes gets killed in the first 3 minutes, the jugernaught is there for absolutely no reason in the lamest power rangers leftover muscle suit only cause it was cheap, and Rattner knows cheap. The third film made money, but not like the first two. An if you ask anyone, I doubt part 3 was their favorite.

So Sam Raimi, despite my own misgivings about the spidey films, was the man in charge. Having made the classic Evil Dead series in the 70's, he knew how to squeeze the most bang out of a buck. Studios like that. He was also endlessly creative, as evident in his DARKMAN films, pseudo comic book films in their own right (albeit on a much smaller scale). So he had plans and outlined motives for the Spiderman universe he was creating. He introduced marry Jane to that astronaut guy in part two, with the plan that in part three he'd be up in space and bring the venom down with him. Well, the studio didn't want to waist time on character development and things like that, so part 3 started with it for no reason just falling out of the sky. The astornaut fiancé left at the alter? No time for that either. No explanation just cut it out. What about peter parker proposing to her? He kept trying to pop the question in part 3, and originally he was going to, but the studio didn't want to deal with a wedding, there wasn't going to be any action or VILLANS, so he never did. Raimi made these compromises against his better judgment, and it showed. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice.....

So here we are at part 3. A release date has already been established for early 2012, and raimi was busy nailing out a script with the studio reared its ugly head once again. However this time he stood up for himself. The studio felt people want the character Spiderman, and it doesn’t necessarily matter who plays him or who makes it. So Raimi left, and the entire cast agreed and walked with him. That release date is still in place by the way, with the studio planning on quickly hiring a director for hire and having peter parker in high school dealing with his superpowers. So are they just rebooting it altogether like the incredible hulk (a very smart move in regards to the hulk, I still say that movie was better than iron man, no question), or are they going to pretend like nothing happened, and for no reason peter parker became 10 years younger. Who knows, but with a focus group making the decisions and not a singular creative force, you can bet it's going to suck!

I have to mention MARVEL studios at this point. They sold the rights of Spiderman, so they are not in control of it, but they are building their own universe of films in a way that everyone else should emulate. They hired Jon Favruea to make Iron man, a passionate and experienced filmmaker and writer with strong ideas. They hired Robert Downey Jr., a legitimate actor. And they have them complete creative control. That worked didn't it? Unhappy with how the first hulk turned out, they reboot it, pretending the first never happened. They get Louis leterrier, a famed French action film director and Edward Norton, a notorious perfectionist and control freak to not only star, but WRITE the film, and they both had creative control. That turned out to be a critical and commercial success. Now they have THOR in production, with Kenneth Branna directing. Oh, and Anthony Hopkins and Renee Russo, and about a dozen other amazing actors in it. Ryan Reynolds is currently prepping to be in their captain America reboot as well, collimating in an AVENGERS film featuring all of them together in 1012 or 13'. That’s how you do it. Invest in a very strong, proven creative force for both in front of and behind the camera, and then trust them. If they have a reputation, their going to want to uphold it. They’ll take pride in what they do, not just collect a paycheck.

lesson learned? Studios should stick with what their good at: Spending money. Directors and writers and actors should be trusted with what their paid for, creativity. If everyone just stuck to those rules, not only would comic book films be in a better shape than they are right now, the quality of movies in general would improve.

The Most Freakin Amazing Thing from the 80's EVER!!!!!

so Roland Emmerich is famous for making 2012, independence day, godzilla, stargate, the day after tomorrow....BIG HUGE MOVIES!!!! now they all pretty much suck story wise, but they all look great. WELL, did you knwo he made a movie in germany where he's from in the mid 80's called "JOEY" about... Well, i'm not quite to sure what it's about. but i CAN tell you from the trailer that it looks AWSOME!!!!! we're talkin' full blown Speilberg rip off-a-go-go!!!! little boy talking to his dead dad on a toy phone? poltergeist 2. Sceintists from the local college investigating the paranormal activity? poltergeist one. a bunch of kids complete with the smart-ass and the fat one going on crazy subterranian adventures? the goonies. The government covering the house in plastic and guys walking around in hazmat suits? E.T. evil doll attacking kids?...erm, well, i guess that parts origional. point is, it looks SICK!!!!!


interesting of note is it WAS released limited here in the states, although dubbed and cut down by 20 minutes. what did they change? well, for one at the end of the origional the kid DIES!!!!!!!!!!! also, at one point the vision of darth vader shows up and attacks the children. i guess the doll knows what scares them (so is that a stephen kings IT refrence?). I guess someone was afraid of a lawsuit. I mean, at one pont the millenium falcon and death star toys go soaring through the house of their own accord blowing shit up. talk about BLATANT RIPOFF!!!! ANYWAY, here's the american trailer.....


So now i'm seriously exited abuot seeing it. only one hitch. it's not available. well, it IS, but at a price. it was released on dvd a while back with BOTH versions on a mega two disc special edition, which quickly got discontinued and now goes for hundreds of dollars on ebay (DAMN YOU EBAY!!!!!!!! but i promise you this, someway, somehow, i WILL see this magical 80's kids movie on acid!!!! (the movie's on acid, not me...)

the FRENCH ARE COMMING!!!! THE FRENCH ARE COMMING!!!!!!

About a year ago there was a kick ass action film called "district B13" which featured stunts known as "parquor" which was also featured a little bit in the BOURNE films as wellas some madonna videos of all places. Well, there's a sequel, which looks equally bad ass!!! check out this clip!!!

And there is the HOT (Litterally) New cover for their 7'th album!!!!!!!! These girls are famous for their live acts, often shwoing up at rock concerts and doing grunge covers of their hits. Their last album was a 60's do-whop mark ronson throwback which got tons of critical aclaim and a couple awards, but their new album is going head long into dance anthem territory. redONE, who did most of GAGA's work exclusivly worked on their new stuff, and let's just say the new sound lives up to the album cover. Here is their newest single "WEAR MY KISS"

Also of note is Jay-Z just signed them to a VERY impressive contract with his record label, so don't be suprised if these bitches show up this summer on this side of the pond.........

Cheryl Cole is an icey cold british singer i'm warming up to.....

The Girls Aloud are the biggest thing in Europe right now. Just last year they passed the Spice Girls as the highest selling female group in history! The unofficial leader of the act CHERYL COLE recently acted as a judge alongside simon cowell on the U.K. version of american idol, and while the group is on hiatus she released her first solo album, 100% produced by Will.I.A.M of the Black Eye'd Peas fame. Here is the cover of her album "3 words"

And here's a clip of an interview at a press juncket with the Girls Aloud, watch as Cheryl gets all sasha fierce on a reporter:

move over mozart...i give you DAS RACIST!!!!!!!!!!

the song speaks for itself, and acts as a pretty faithful autobiography of my early years......

now THIS will screw up your children.....

I was recently exposed to this "handy manny and special agent otro" or whatever the hell it is. The sheer level of crap on display got me to thinking just how awsome my childhood programming was. Untill i found this little chestnut called "The Adventures of Mark Twain" from the same claymation guys who brought you the california raisins. Everything was fine and dandy untill this scene......


wait, did i jsut see play dough genocide? And did the talking lifeless drama mask really just turn into a skull of doom? WOW. i vaguely remember this nonesense as a child, and that it gave me the heeby jeebys, but as an adult it's flat out scary as hell! maybe kids these days have it better off?

KE$HA joins ADAM LAMBERT and decides to steal songs for their debut, but she steals from my KYLIE MINOGUE!?!?!?! oh HELL NO!

ug, here we go again. At this point everyone knows that Ryan Tedder from OneRepublic is a massive douchbag who sold the exact same song to beyonce (halo) kelly clarkson (already gone) AND leona Lewis (happy). Listen to any of those 3 songs and you'll hear the SAME THING!!!!!! unfortunatly Tedder isn't the only douchbag out there. KE$HA's smash new single "tik Tok" is also beat for beat the same as a kylie song from 2006!!!! here's Mizz Minogues hit "love at first sight:


Now here's KE$HA's "Tik Tok":


you be the judge. but for future reference sweetheart, KYLIE is way out of your league.

Deep Thoughts.........

Here are some words of wisdom from the new artist KE$HA, who is trying desperatly to out "hot tranny mess" gaga, and doing a pretty damn good job at it. these lyrics are from her song "bla bla bla":

"I dont really care where you live at
just turn around boy and let me hit that
Dont be a little bitch with your chit chat
just show me where your dick is at

Come on boy get your rocks off
come put a little love in my glove box
wanna dance with no pants on
(holler)

Meet in the back with
jack and the jukebox

So cut to the chase kid
cause i know you dont care
what my middle name is
I wanna be naked
and your wasted"
- KE$HA

thanks sweety for that. words to live by if ever i hear em. also of note is a story she recalled of her doing background vocals on a track for THE paris hilton's pop cd a fiew years back. afterwards paris threw a party for everyone at her mansion, where kesha promptly got trashed beyond recognition and threw up in one of her upstairs closets. you KNOW if you get kicked out of paris' party for being too roudy well then.....you obviously need a recording contract of your own. And in case you thought maybe the lyrics were taken out of context of the song, here is her....um, er...performance?

the REMAKE machine is going after one of my fav's!!!! OH NO THEY DIDN"T!!!!!!!!!

don't they knwo that inside of every homosexual male is a strong angry black woman? actually i'm not to sure why that is, but who am i to question gods mechanics? ANWAY, there's this CRAZY danish film (as in birthplace of IKEA) called "LET THE RIGHT ONE IN" and it's fantastic. It's about a VERY disturbed 12 yar old boy who fantisizes about killing off his mean spirited classmates. Then he falls in love with another 12 year old girl, who just so happens to be a vampire. She teaches him that taking someone's life, even when absolutly necessary is still a hard thing to live with (especially if it's an eternity). I know that sounds wierd, but it comes off as a mix between twilight and.....what a really good version of that would be. Here is an example of LET THE RIGHT ONE IN's greatness:



single women everywhere BEWARE!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS could happen to you!!!.
here is another example of the bass assery going on:



WOW, i'm not sure thats what the village people had in mind when they started singing about the YMCA!
anyway, they are remaking it. Let me be more specific, the guy who made CLOVERFIELD is remaking it. I'm not sure if i should be scared or not. i loved CLOVERFIELD, but it's an entirely different beast (pun intended) than this quiet, mean little thriller. Ug, i guess we'll jsut have to wait till October 1'st to find out. In the mean time, here's the just released teaser poster. i guess i'm glad to know they're at least keeping the snow and isolation aspect, and word on the street is they've cast honest to god middle schoolers for the leads, both promising steps in the right direction. However the title change to simply "let me in" doesn't bode well and reeks of "dumbing it down" for american audiences

LITTLE KNOWN FACT = martin scorcese's THE DEPARTED which won a kagillion awards is actually a remake of an asian film that came out only 2 years prior to the americanized remake. apparently the origional asian version is HIGHLY regarded there, with many saying it's superior.

The Most Anticipated Films of '10

ALICE IN WONDERLAND




TOY STORY 3




and just in case you forgot, these toy story films have not just been really funny, they have also been amazing pictures!!!! i defy anyone to not get tearey eye'd during this scene from part 2:



TRON LEGACY




that above was the ORIGIONAL 1982 trailer that shows it's age to be sure. but that film was a landmark in technology, and paved the way for PIXAR today. here is the trailer for the new one. look for all the sly subtle throwbacks....



IRON MAN 2

Britney Murphey could have been the next BRITNEY SPEARS.....

Paul Okenfold sure thought so. Here's their song from a fiew years ago, which was a smash hit all over the globe, EXCEPT in america, where good pop music never seems to come from (except you gaga)



Whats kinda creepy is she still has another high profile film comming out in August with bruce willis and sylvester stallone.....

Movies to look forward to in 2010......

That is the just released teaser poster for what is going to be one of the most bad ass action films ever made. Sylvester Stallone went for broke with this one. just look at the cast:
Stallone, Jet Li, Jason Statham, Mickey Rourke, Dolph Lundgren, Eric Roberts, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Terry Crews, Randy Couture, Danny Trejo, Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Angel Batista from Dexter and the late BRITNAY MURPHEY!!!

It's released on August 20'th, and if you are thinking that stallone is washed up and past his prime. let me remind you of just how bad ass he can be. here's a clip from his last movie RAMBO, which he wrote, directed, produced, and stared in:

movies to look forward to in 2010.......

Juliane Moor thinks her husband is cheating on her. she hires a call girl (AMANDA SEYFRIED!!!!) to test his loyalty. a sexual thriller ensues. I'm SOOO there based off this scene alone!!!:





The Flick comes out March 19'th!

ADAM LAMBERT steals songs, and falls down a notch...

Here's my issue with adam lambert. i really like that he is out and proud, and the first artist in HISTORY to be so from the onset of his career, and also the first to be blatant with it in his music. All things i LOVE and can stand behind. The negatives come in when it comes to his act. On top of being not very attractive (i'm just sayin.) he hasn't mastered the art of stage presence yet. He's all skreetchy vocals and grand sexual gestures to get attention, not because the music warrants it.

But all that was fine becasue he could work on the stage presence. on the level of theatrics. His album, the meat and potatoes was brilliant and i loved every song, so he always had that to fall back on....untill now. below is is video for "Let me Entertain You":


Kinda crass and cheesy. However that trick where all the dancers legs move with his pimp cain is undeniably cool. UNTILL you see this song "BLACK AND GOLD" by Sam Sparro which came out a YEAR AGO:


So as you can see, er, HEAR, the songs are really WAY to close to say it's a simple coinsedence. PLUSE, this sam sparrow character, who didn't seem to amount to much unfortunatly, is basically what adam lambert SHOULD BE. Sexy, Sleek, Cool, RESTRAINED. I've officially taken Adam off my radar. Actually, i didn't do anything, he jumped off himself.

The Great Boston Molasses Disaster

click here to find out more...

http://djgnosis.wordpress.com/2009/06/27/molasses-in-january-way-faster-than-you-think/

WAIT FOR YOU by the Sugababes = my new anthem!

Kylie Being Fierce.....just to help you get through the day...

Ta-Dah!

"...After moving to New York City, the duo met Ana Matronic at a cabaret on Halloween, when she was dressed as an Andy Warhol factory reject, and (Jake) Shears was dressed as a "late-term, back-alley abortion". The group soon began playing gigs, and they met Del Marquis while Shears was still working as a stripper at a club called I.C. Guyz."

Thus begins the autobiography of the Scissor Sisters straight from wikipedia.com
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! I now have a new goal to aspire to this halloween!!!! here's the link:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scissor_sister

the 10 BEST films of '09

10.) ADVENTURELAND – Much like the Sandlot captures my feelings and memories of childhood, this film does so with the teen years.

9.) HALLOWEEN 2 – Yes, that’s right. Everyone hates this film with the fiery passion of a thousand suns, but I love it more than words can say. Why? Because every complaint starts with “well the ORIGIONAL….” And that’s where they get it all wrong. Rob Zombie is a genius at the fucked up. A master at the macabre and tasteless. This is the first and only time he’s been given a real budget and complete control over a film, and he went balls to the wall. He held nothing back. The second you stop trying to compare it to a sequel that it was never intended to have anything to do with; the sooner you can realize what it really is. An unrelenting, unapologetic, no holds barred assault on the senses the likes of which have not been seen since the snuff films of the 70’s

8.) ORPHAN – The most messed up, sick, twisted thriller to come out of a mainstream studio in ages. This film has no heart or soul and revels in its poor taste. I’d have walked out if it wasn’t so damn effective and expertly made. The French director of this is a genius in his own right, hitting the mood and pacing just right. And the ending……wow.

7.) WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE – Bizarre and wierd, but also touching and beautiful. This frustrating “kids movie” kind of has to grow on you. But after sitting with it for a while, I found it an astonishing display of childhood emotions, and how they can form a little person into the adult they ultimately become.

6.) DRAG ME TO HELL – hands down the most fun at the theater this year. I laughed harder in this than I did in THE HANGOVER, and I jumped out of my seat more than MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3D!

5.) AVATAR – The plot is paper thin but effective. All right, so there’s the one and ONLY complaint anyone could possibly make about this masterpiece. The visual effects are so revolutionary, so mind numbingly awesome, you’ll never look at another movie again without comparing it to this. Also of note is the acting from the amazing cast, who all deliver amidst this cacophony of spectacle so well you actually care about them, and not just marvel at them.

4.) DISTRICT 9 – This movie cost 30 million dollars. TRANSFORMERS 2 cost 250 million. Wow Michael bay, you need to go back to school. This film was so rife with drama and tension you won’t believe how invested you were in the film till it’s over. The visual effects are SEEMLESS and though not as frequently used as AVATAR, are just as good. And the action, my god. It’ll blow your socks off. This guy wanted to make the HALO movie, but the studio didn’t want to risk using a first time director. So he made this instead and made the studio his bitch cause it made a TON of mula. And deservedly so.

3.) STAR TREK – j.j. Abrams is the new Spielberg. This film is the epidomy of epic. It’s got drama, romance, action, humor, all in good measure and all with relatable and charismatic leads. I can not wait to join this group again on further adventures.

2.) INGLORIOUS BASTERDS – Quinted Tarentino finally found the perfect balance between with wordy dialogue and his sudden stabs of violence. His grind house segment was WAY too talky and not enough grindhousey, but here he makes up his own historical(ly inaccurate) account of hillers last days. Just pure violent fun.

1.) UP – It kind of bothers me that there is now a “best animated film” category at the Oscars now. It means true masterpieces such as this can’t be nominated for “best picture” which this surely does. Much like the INCREDIBLES, you forget you’re even watching a cartoon and feel so much for the characters and their mission that you’re honest to god MOVED at the end. I came out of this film with a better understanding of loss and forgiveness and love. It’s all good in the end though, the brilliance of this film doesn’t need a measly little award to justify it.

10 WORST films of '09

10.) Ninja Assassin – if you’re going to get the best fight choreographers money can buy, try hiring a director that knows how to shoot it. Dark, unfocused, and cheap, this action move had the chance to be badass, but ended up being piss poor.

9.) G.I. JOE – So you have this huge budget but you can’t afford special effects? And if you can’t afford them, why have so many. Almost every shot in this filth has some kind of Xena warrior princess level of bad CGI floating around in it. Oh, and Channing Tatum….please either keep your shirt off and dance, or keep your mouth shut. You can’t do both at the same time. Worst actor ever.

8.) Angels and Demons – A big budget Scooby doo episode with one of the most unintentionally hilarious endings since……the happening. How could murder and betrayal and cover ups in the Vatican be this boring? Tom hanks, get a new agent. You’re better than this!!!

7.) Terminator Salvation – The sequel no one wanted. The sequel the first two films didn’t need. The sequel that takes the plot no where and ends right where it began. At least it gave us that priceless Christian bale rant and subsequent dance remix which I shit you not I heard played at a gay club the other night.

6.) Obsessed – Beyonce, if you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it. If ya can’t act….fucking don’t. The ending almost redeemed itself with what looked like an epic diva’off of a fight, but ended up being a tussle that any vh1 reality show outshines every night of the week. At least it have us the “oh, ima gonna have to CALL YOU BACK” like every tranny in America now has as their ring tone.

5.) Transformers 2 – racist. Sexist. Loud. Incoherent. Plot less. Humorless. How anyone can spend so much money to achieve literally hours upon hours of out of focus cgi robots hit each other is beyond me. I begged someone to explain the plot to me when this came out, almost a year later; no one has, or can. It’s just a joke of a mess with a reasonably good soundtrack.

4.) The Ugly Truth & Bride Wars – If anyone ever tries to get me to watch a romantic comedy ever again, and complains about me being so skeptical of them, I’ll point to these two turkeys. Everyone involved has proven that their better than this, so why they ended up here is beyond me.

3.) Funny People – Jud Apatow hits his first stinker. Neither Funny nor dramatic, this bore of a film suffers from the worst fate of all…it has nothing to say.

2.) X-Men Wolverine – If mystery Science Theater 3000 was still on today, they’d make this their next victim. Hands down a travesty of epic proportions. Filmmaking by committee. Bryan Singer made two amazing comic book films, only to get shit on by 20’Th century fox. X men 3 was poor, but at least had good production values. The cgi is laughable; the plot shows that it had upwards of 22 writers, that’s right, 22 FREAKIN WRITERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And the tone is all over the place with slapstick goofy humor mixed with high drama. At least Hugh jackman looks hot. But then I could open a magazine and get my fix of that. Just an embarrassment.

1.) Watchmen – They said the comic was unfilmable. They were right. Zack Snyder is an awesome director/writer. I LOVED both 300 and his Dawn of the Dead remake. Here however he seems to prove the critics right. That he’s only good at making things look good, but when it comes to actual honest to got storytelling, he’s a failure. I even gave this one a second chance in directors cut form, and it was WORSE!!!!!!! From the visual aesthetic, to the editing, to the pacing. Every step he takes is the wrong one. At with such high expectations, this is my number one worst film of ‘09

how the TWILIGHT "SAGA" caused 9/11 and hurricain Katrina

So vampires have always been around, and they’ve always been about sex and temptation. They offer instant gratification at a price. They are a complicated horror villain, which makes them perfect for being re-imagined over and over in different ways through cinema and books. However, the TWILIGHT saga is a shit stain on the D&G underwear that is vampires in film.

First of all, is it really a saga? Star wars was a saga; it had 6 movies and an unending parade of novels and games that spoke of its history and dense worlds. I loved the original trilogy, and loathed the new one, BUT I must concede that is was in fact a saga. Twilight is on film number two, and how many books are there? Four? Sorry guys, NOT a saga. It’s a high school drama with a vampire twist, which is a great idea to be sure, but epic it aint.

And speaking of vampires in high school; it really is a good idea. All the analogies of teen angst and puberty mixed with the temptation of becoming this immortal sex object t but at a price. It’s a match made in cinema heaven. There is a rub though. It’s been done before. A LOT. Buffy the vampire slayer had a many seasons long arc about her love for a vampire, though it wasn’t allowed. Jim Carrey got his feature film debut in “once bitten,” an 80’s comedy about a kid that falls in love with a vampire. Again in the 80’s the classic “THE LOST BOYS” brought a punk, modern twist to the Dracula legend, once again setting it in high school. The aforementioned Buffy TV show, which was on for 8 YEARS spawned a spinoff called ANGEL about a vampire who fell in love with a human, although I believe they were in college in that one. My point is, literally everything there is in TWILIGHT is full on plagiarized from other, often much better material. Every plot point, ever twist, every character motivation is so slavishly stolen from somewhere else, it’s basically a DARK SHADOWS version of sweet valley high. Oh, and DARK SHADOWS had a vampire fall in love with a human in high school, and that soap opera was on in the 60’s.

Now repetition can be fine. Dumb summer flicks don’t have to have a deep meaning or stir the soul for me to like it. I love INDEPENDENCE DAY even though in every respect it’s functionally retarded. I enjoyed Charlie’s angles even though it‘s plot was…….well, there wasn’t even one of those. Armageddon and deep impact are similar films, and I really like them both, because even though they are cheating off each other, they both do what they do really well. I don’t need it to be original for it to be good. Hell, I’m one of the few who LOVED zombies remake of the Halloween films. But Twilight was so amateurishly done. The directing so bad and acting so god awful, I can’t in my right mind understand how anyone could defend it. The answer is they can’t. Some movies are just shit. Catwoman is shit, and Halley berry knows it. I’m sure someone somewhere out there bought it and likes it, but only because they still haven’t let go of the fact that Benjamin brat is not gonna catch on, stop trying to make it happen Gretchen wieners!!! Kristen Stewart is the only credible actress in the bunch, but is given mystery Science Theater 3000 level horrible dialogue to spew out.

So why are the fans so loyal? Because they all have vaginas and do what their told and everyone says it’s really romantic and as hard ass and independent as women like to think they are, they are all nurturer caregivers by their very nature, and this material caters to them. It is not a work of fiction, nor a film. It is a product. Nothing is in any of this crap to organically move the plot forward, or deepen the characters. It’s there to pander to a very large, ignorant, gullible target demographic. And they have fallen hook, eyeliner and sinker for it. Just like tickle me Elmo or transformers or Gumby, it’s a money machine and nothing more. I’m fine with that, as long as it’s entertaining. I didn’t care for transformers one or two, but they blew the shit out of everything and even I can’t argue that it was totally bad ass. But twilight has laughable special effects, dialogue that would make the new season of 90210 look like shakspear by comparison and a plot so cookie cutter you can buy the matching baking sheet for it at your neighborhood wal-mart.

I know everyone has their own tastes, and true to form I have loved and defended films and music that no one else will even look at (I own every a-Teens cd ever, and will love the LOST IN SPACE movie till the day I die). But there are some infallible truths. The godfather is a classic. Whitney Huston had an amazing voice. Catwoman was a piece of shit. And so is this. I can’t help but judge people who unabashedly love such a filthy festering pile of duck butter (ask your local gay what that is, and make sure your parents aren’t in ear shot). You can’t argue with it. The acting sucks. Fact. The plot is not just predicable, but a retread of many other works. Fact. The direction is high school level of awkward blocking. Fact. Everything that it has to offer can be found elsewhere and done with passion and heart and vigor and actual talent. Fact.

I usually don’t feel so passionately AGAINST something as this. If I don’t like the film, I’ll move on and forget it. But this “saga” keeps popping up and it never seems to go away, and America proves that on top of still being bigoted, racist and obese, they’re all mindless drones as well. So I’m off my soapbox and am off to watch LET THE RIGHT OEN IN, probably one of the most heart wrenching and moving thrillers I’ve ever seen in my life. Oh, and it’s about a teenager who falls in love with a vampire, and it was nominated for an Oscar for best foreign language film. But you guys probably don’t’ want to watch it cause it’s got subtitles and “readings hard.” So get back to your cheese filled pretzels and watch the mtv special report with sway and lala interviewing Taylor laoughtner about how hard it was to get his abs but NOT ask how many acting lessons he’s had (none).

My Top 5 in Every Category

COMEDY
Drop Dead Gorgous -The fact of the matter is there isn’t a line of dialogue that is not unquotable. Every single solitary character trait and quip is comedy gold

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron burgundy- “I’m trapped in a glass cage of emotion” made me pee my pants

Role Models- “I don’t want to get too graphic, but I sucked his cock for drugs.” Jane Lynch is my hero

Best in Show- “That’s not busy bee, that’s a bear…dressed as a bee. You OBVIOUSLY DON’T KNOW MY DOG!!!”

Zoolander- “I feel like I’m taking crazy pills. I invented the piano key neck tie, I invented it. What have you invented Derek zoolander? Nothing…NOTHING!!!!!”

DRAMA

Crash- When that little girl runs out to protect her dad from the shop owner with the gun…..there are no words

Match Point- One of the most intense character studies on cheating, and how it affects every person involved

Black Snake Moan- Crazy, sweaty, red neck soap opera with so much heart


The Family Stone- A chick flick with balls. This starts off very Hollywood typical, but ends up actually having some very important things to say about love and family and acceptance. Plus the deaf gay son is totally hot

Irreversible- A French film that has some of the most brutal scenes ever committed to film. There’s a 15 minute rape scene. There’s a death by fire extinguisher at a sex club called “Rectum.” It’s a very rough film to get through, but worth it.


ACTION

The Bourn Trilogy- Just perfect execution of very smart people across the board doing crazy ass violent things.

Die Hard- The birth of the wise-cracking anti hero. Yippee ki-ya muther fucker!”

Terminator 2: Judgment Day- The special effects hold up today, and the action and emotion are at equal levels, so you actually care about the people running away from all the explosions

Bad Boys 2- Pure nonsense on a level no one but a 7 year old boy could fathom. It’s totally racist and misogynist, but damned if they don’t make everything look cool, as it blows up in slo motion.

John Woo’s HARD BOILED


SCI-FI

The Abyss- Probably one of my all time favorite films. The technology of the future depicted here is fascinating. The action is fast and hard hitting. My two favorite scenes: The aliens creating 3 mile high tidal waves that approach every major costal city in the world, only to stop them at the last second; the sight of a wall of water right next to the statue of liberty is creepy, but really cool. The second is when Ed Harris has to watch his wife slowly and painfully drown, so he can carry her body out of the wreckage and onto dry land. The scene where he performs CPR on her body is the tear jerker to end all tear jerker’s


Children of Men- Fascinating and scary portrait of the future, but with just enough hope

Blade Runner- Also a fascinating and scary depiction of the future, only without the hope. Bleak, scary, violent, and sad. It’s also gripping as hell and every shot is a dream to look at

Star Trek- The new one. Just pure escapist fun done to perfection. J.J. Abrams is the new Spielberg

Contact- A film that deals with science and religion head on, with one of Jodi fosters best performances ever

FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM

Brotherhood of the wolf- One of my all time favorites, along with The Abyss. This is a swashbuckling monster movie from France that takes place in the 1800’s and is based on a true story. There’s also a native American Indian who does martial arts and frequent trips to a very steamy brothel. Its pretty bug nuts insane, but an epic action romance the likes of which I doubt we’ll be seeing any time soon. Think a Pirates of the Caribbean film, only REALLY rated R


Pans Labyrinth- Both creepy and heartbreaking, Gierllmo Del Torro once again proves that his imagination knows no bounds

Let the Right One In- 13 year old human falls in love with a….13 year old looking vampire girl who moves into his desolate, snowy apartment complex in 80’s Sweden. I know it doesn’t sound like it, but it’s one of the best thrillers I’ve ever seen.

The City of Lost Children- Crazy ass French fairy tale on acid for grown ups


Nightwatch/ Daywatch- The Lord of the Rings meets the Matrix meets Russia. Don’t ask questions; just accept the nonsense on an EPIC level of destruction and black magic.


FANTASY

Legend- Tom Cruise’s first film. It’s a brothers Grimm fairy tale brought to the screen as it should be, dark and graphic. The sexual overtones are not subtle, and it’s most definitely not for the little ones. But Ridley Scott paints ever shot, every composition like it’s a painting. You can pause this at any given moment and mount what you see on the wall. P.S. the trailer for this is probably one of the best i've ever seen (if you can look past all the 80's cheese)


The Lord of the Rings- It’s awesome, we all know this, that is all

The Dark Crystal- Jim Henson decided to create a world using puppets, NOT Muppets. What we get is a very original movie which is a one of a kind feature. There are no humans in it, only puppets. Many of them even speak in another subtitles language. The puppets turned off the adults, and the subject matter is too grown up for kids, so not too many people know about this one, but take my word for it. It’s fascinating.

Dragonslayer- Disney pretty much lost their shit in the mid 80’s. Their cartoons were failing (the black cauldron anyone?) and so they decided to try and make more “adult” films. Here is the product. A surprisingly bloody and action packed dragon movie with some great social commentary on dictatorship thrown in so it can act legit. Oh, and the dragon looks badass even today!

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban- Didn’t read the books, but for my money this is the best so far. The mood and atmosphere created was so dense and effective, mundane scenes are now captivating. Also, the kid’s performances were the best here, and have yet to be matched.

KIDS FILM
The Goonies- If you haven’t seen this, I’m currently judging you…..and so is Jesus

The Sandlot- “Once a ball goes over that fence, it stays there….FOREVER!”FOREVER!......” quotable film to end all quotable films

Monster Squad- Little seen goonies rip off that is actually really great. Complete with cursing tykes and “wolfmans got balls!” jokes.


E.T. The Extra Terrestrial- Clearly

A Little Princess- Done by Alfonzo cuaron, the same man behind CHILDREN OF MEN and PRISONER OF AZKABAN, and also Y TU MAMA TAMBIEN. This guy knows how to use atmosphere and music and sound and performances to come together to create a mood that helps tell the story just as much as the words that are spoken


CARTOON

The Land before Time- So I will never forget little foot seeing his own shadow and thinking it’s his dead mother. Or at the end when they get to the great valley and all the kids are reunited with their parents EXCEPT little foot cause his are all dead. And now as an adult I get all chocked up when I realize the great valley is a metaphor for heaven, and that they all died. Wow, this movie was a real downer!!!

An American Tail- That song which is now a staple at every wedding known to man is actually quite touching in context with the film…..also another downer

The Iron Giant- This film reminds me what it’s like to be 5 years old again, and ANY little toy can inspire your imagination

The Prince of Egypt- The best adaptation of a story from the bible ever. And that includes THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST. There, I said it!

The Secret of N.I.H.M.- A cartoon that’s heavy on action and violence and low on romance or singing….as in none of either.


DISNEY CARTOON

The Hunchback of Notre Dam- The most mature cartoon Disney has ever made


The Little Mermaid- The most fun cartoon Disney ever made

The Rescuers Down Under- I’m a sucker for accents!!!

The Fox and the Hound- This film really got to me as a child

The Emperors New Groove- I debated putting this in the best comedy category cause it’s just that f-ing funny. I forget I’m watching a cartoon and just laugh till it hurts

MUSICAL

The Little Shop of Horrors

Moulin Rouge- It’s crazy and obnoxious and frustrating. However it’s also perfected the quieter moments, which holds it together. When zidler sings the show must go on….chills.

Repo: The Genetic Opera- It’s like the Rocky Horror Picture Show, only instead of being so bad it’s good, this is actually really good. There is punk rock, acid metal, opera, pop, and Sarah brightman and Paris Hilton share the stage at one point. Lol. Just let that sink in for a moment

Sweeny Todd- Sad and melancholy, but beautiful in it’s depravity

Across the Universe- Simply amazing. Every song, every performance, every swooping camera shot. Everything about this film is sumptuous and fulfilling. My own personal fav of the musical section


TEEN FILM

Heathers- “Fuck me gently with a chainsaw, who do I look like, mother Teresa?” Sharp as nails comedy that has a lot to say about how fucking retarded high school can be, and not afraid to say it. We’re talking Christian Slater rigging the school with a bomb, and Wynona Ryder killing the most popular girl in school and making it look like a suicide. What happens? All the other kids start following suit. If the popular girl killed herself, that must be the “in” thing to do. Scary in its implications, but hilarious in its execution.


Ferris Buellers Day Off- This film taught me how to skip school…..and live life

Mean Girls- Say what you will about the hot tranny mess that is Lindsay lohan right now, but this movie spoke to my generation of teenagers like no other film had. “Boo you whore!”

Fame- Clearly I’m speaking of the original. Very dramatic and VERY R rated. It dealt with issues of rape and alcoholism very frankly. They also had killer musical numbers.

The Breakfast Club- Very uneven for me. Sometimes a slapstick comedy, sometimes a stone cold drama, but when it works it works. And the scene near the end where all the kids open up to one another about their problems is so very touching.

ROMANTIC COMEDY

Love Actually- I cried like a little bitch all through the last half of this. Amazing actors given really challenging work to do here, revealing all the ugly truths about love.

The Break Up- This film starts off as a comedy and somewhere along the lines, without really noticing it, it becomes very serious. I like that, it surprised me.

50 First Dates- The only Adam Sandler movie I like. And most of it has to do with drew Barrymore being her hippy amazingness and him toning down the redardedness he’s usually throwing out there.

Amele- A perfect little slice of cheesecake. There isn’t so much a plot as there are montages and sequences that stand alone, but when strung together, create this uplifting and cheerful fable of a permanently optimistic girl.

True Romance- Quinton Tarentino‘s first movie….that he wrote. Tony Scott directed it. It stars Christopher walken, brad pitt, Gary oldman, Christian Slater, and Patricia arquett. Aka best cast ever


COMIC BOOK ADAPTATION

The Dark Knight- To quote Caitlin: “There are no words.”

Sin City- The perfect film noir…that happens to be based on a comic book

The Incredible Hulk- For my money better than Iron Man by a mile. Edward Norton and Liv Tyler are amazing actors that bring a lot of humanity to the roles. That being said it’s an action film first, and the showdown in the streets of New York beats anything I’ve seen in the iron man movie easily.

Hellboy one and two- Cookey, bizarre, and filled to the brim with pure imagination, I can’t get enough of these characters and their “anything goes” world.

X Men 2: X Men United- The first one was great but was held back by a very small budget that showed, and was distracting. This one was much more sure footed, and evenly paced. The attack on the white house that opens the film is such a rush!

CRIME/FILM NOIR

THE UNTOUCHABLES- Brian De Palma is one of my favorite directors because he utilizes film for everything its worth. He doesn’t rely on words to push the story along; he can use montage like no one’s business. That gift elevates this movie into something amazing to watch. Plus Sean Connery is in it, and he’s pretty much the most bad ass person that ever lived, except for maybe Jesus himself

Running Scared- This is another personal best of all time. It is so far over the top in every which way, you will be shocked at everything. There are pedophiles. There is washing machine sex complete with Paul walker’s bare ass. There is a glow in the dark shootout in a hockey rink. There are more F bombs than any other film I’ve ever seen. It’s just kinetic lunacy.


Pulp Fiction- Obviously

Heat

The Departed


WAR

A Very Long Engagement- From the same director of Amele and The City of Lost Children (and the HIGHLY underrated Alien: Resurrection) this is a very cool little film. He uses his crazy camera movements and colors and slo motion to make every battle scene look almost like a choreographed musical number. Oh, and JODI FOSTER shows up for about 10 minutes speaking perfect French and having a VERY graphic and steamy sex scene. Kind of comes out of no where, especially since she’s not really done a sex scene in any other movie (cept the accused, but that doesn’t count.)

Uprising- European film shown as a TV movie event here in the states. It’s a fascinating story about a small group of people that kept the Germans out of their ghetto walls for an INSANE amount of time and put up a better fight than most of the actual soldiers. Fascinating, and action packed

Empire of the Sun- This is the first film of Christian bales, and even at the age of 10 he was amazing. This is more about the effects of war, specifically on a small child stuck in a prisoner of war camp. Spielberg puts so many haunting touches on this one. When the boy sees the A-Bomb go off, he looks at the light and confuses it with an angel. Or another where he runs up to the Japanese fighter pilots getting ready to take off and shoot down the Americans, he runs up to them and salute. It just breaks your heart.


U-571- Very intense balls to the wall hand to hand combat fighting movie. Just bad assness goin on up and down, left to right.


Schindlers List

THRILLER

Silence of the lambs/Red Dragon/Hannibal- Everyone has their favorite, and it’s mostly silence of the lambs. However, each film in its own distinct style and way works, and works well. My personal fav is Hannibal for it’s over the top gothic horror quality.


Identity- Best twist ending….EVER!!!!! It makes the 6’Th sense it’s bitch.

Femme Fatal- Total mind twister, but a sexy and cool one, with the best strip tease ever. I’m not just talking about committed to film, I mean EVER!!!!


Deceived- Goldie Hawn decided to be in a good movie for some reason, about a woman whose husband dies, only for him to reappear many years later living another life. She investigates, stumbles upon things she’s not supposed to. It’s a perfectly executed whodunit.

SUPERNATURAL HORROR

Poltergeist- The exorcist was always kind of silly to me. A little girl cursing? Bitch I grew up on south park, it’s gonna take more than that! A crucifix catching on fire? Sorry, raised Mormon, those catholic trinkets hold no meaning to me. Poltergeist was smart and avoided the religious angle, focusing on the family. Everyone’s been afraid of the monster in the closet, or what’s hiding under the bed. Well, in Poltergeist, all those fears come to life.


The Abandoned- A gothic horror film in the tradition of those old Vincent price hammer productions, only with better production values…and acting. This sucker is just oozing and dripping with suspense and atmosphere. And the ending does get a little trippy and “out there” but I liked it for taking risks.


The Shining- Everything about this is perfect, end of story.

The Orphanage- Spanish language film about a woman who looses her son in an old dark house and her ensuing years long investigation into what actually happened to him. Things are much more sinister as they appear when ghosts and a visit from a medium come into play.

The Ring- Just simply amazing. A fantastic moral dilemma. A scary ass villain. Fast pace and killer visuals.

SLASHER

Scream- Funny and scary in equal measures, hard to do, but done here to perfection.

Cherry Falls- The plot alone of this just kills me. A serial killer is offing students at this school, but here’s the catch. He’s only killing virgins, so all the kids go out having crazy unprotected sex with eat other to save themselves!!! And to beat a dead horse, the name of the town is Cherry Falls!!!! Hahaha, I love it. Plus there are some REALLY great chase scenes too.


I Know What You Did Last Summer- Killer version of a soap opera that is effective and genuinely thrilling toward the ending. Sarah Michelle Gellar’s death scene has yet to be topped.

Rob Zombie’s Halloween 2- For sheer brutal gory violent terror. No other film in memory executed its sole purpose of grossing you out tot eh extreme as well as this does. There are no redeeming quality’s here; just ugly messed up people getting massacred in gory, bloody ways for 2 hours.

Friday the 13’Th


FOREIGN HORROR

A Tale of Two Sisters- Remade here as “the Uninvited” but just stick with this one.


Inside- French film about a pregnant woman whose’ all alone on Christmas Eve, also the eve of her birth. Then some crazy ass bitch shows up saying she’s there to collect the baby!!! What ensues is totally gripping and gory to no end, but really tense and suspenseful. HIGHLY recommended

Infection- Bizarre and insane Japanese horror film about a hospital staff on the night shift having to deal with a phantom ambulance, and a flesh eating virus that’s spreading amongst the patients.

High Tension- A throwback to the 70’s exploitation films. It’s got one silly plot twist about half way through that turns a lot of people off, but for my money such a hokey switcheroo only adds to the grind house anything goes vibe it’s got going on.

Susperia- The last film ever shot with a Technicolor camera. This Italian film is a masterpiece, and the likes of quinten tarentino and Steven Spielberg have gone on record as saying this film inspired their filmmaking.


GORE-FEST

Dead Alive- Peter Jackson got his start before the lord of the rings making this schlocky gore fest of a comedy. There’s a ninja priest who says “I kick ass for the lord!” at one point. There’s a pregnant woman whose zombie baby eats its way out of her stomach, then strangles her to death with its umbilical cord. Then there’s the final showdown involving a lawn mower and…to this day, more gallons of blood and body parts used than ANY OTHER FILM MADE….EVER!!! You think I’m exaggerating.


The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2: The Beginning- Just a ho –hum follow up to a really good remake? Try a bleak and depressing commentary on the idiocy of war (in this case Vietnam) and some of the most relentless bloody carnage I’ve ever seen. It makes it all the more horrifying to know that everyone in the film is going to die from the start.

Hostel 2 unrated cut- The castration scene alone still haunts me to this day. Oh, and at one point they gun down a small 7 year old child, and SHOW IT! There’s also a woman who takes a bath in a pool of blood and gets off on it. Totally sick.

The Descent- Another bath of blood in this one too. But also a pile of animal carcasses. And LOTS of pick axe to the head action

John Carpenters The Thing- When the man is performing CPR on this other guy, and his chest opens up and closes on the dudes hands, ripping them off, I jumped out of my seat. Totally out of this world alien designs and body parts.


T.V. SHOWS

Alias- Every episode is filled to the brim with suspense. No character is safe, with main cast members getting offed every once and a while, and not even during season finalies or premiers. Quinten tarentino directed and stars in several episodes because he’s such a huge fan. Need I say more?


Battlestar Galactica- I always get shit for this one, but I will stand strong. I’m fully aware that the original was a beyond cheesy lame star wars rip off. However if you can get past that idea, what you’ll find will truly blow you away. The opening episode has an undercover robot snapping an infants neck! Not to mention suicide bombers, a nuclear holocaust, and a presidential election campaign that may or may not have been rigged. See where I’m getting at? This show, like no other before, uses its science fiction trappings to explore the outcome of issues we currently face. Religion and politics come head to head toward the climax, in one of the most satisfying endings I’ve ever seen. The creators had the ending all planned out ahead of time, so every episode, every moment, you can feel the momentum picking up speed as it barrels toward it’s bleak, but slightly hopeful, and action packed climax. I can NOT recommend this one enough. Especially since it’s the hardest sell.


Veronica Mars- What I WISH my high school experience was. Working at a detective agency and trying to exact revenge on whoever killed my best friend.


The Twilight Zone
- clearly


Twin Peaks- There are no words.